Dear sock,

Originally uploaded by spinknit

Whatever it was that I did to you to deserve this, I apologize. Profusely.

Since this last photo, you have been frogged to well before the heel flap. I thought, at the time, that I could rip back both lace sections and reknit them, including the 4 rows that I had completely missed knitting. Incorrect. There was another, matching, mistake on the back of the cuff. Of course there was.

The fact that you were complete to 1/2 way through the foot is irrelevant at this point. Honestly, I'm nearly over it. And all that swatching? Sorry.. really, really sorry. I was overcome by the pattern and all those beautiful yarns. Swatching be damned, I'm going with the blue. [Reserving ability to change my mind after I wash the swatch.. just sayin]. I was unaware that you are a jelous sock. I should have known... you being green and all.

I'm giving you a rest until tomorrow, because i REALLY need you to be done by Thursday.

I am now sufficiently quelled. I promise.

Need brain food now

Brain food, and carbs. I'm kind of South Beaching, and have been for 3 or 4 days, so I feel a bit off wack, a bit carb-cravey, and mostly just flipping tired. Michellie said that it's been a hard month, and no wonder I feel so worn out. I'm going to agree there.

I did a search on brain food, and basically it seems like I could use foods high in B vitamins. Tho, I'm not thinking clearly, so it could have said that I need to eat rice pudding. Who knows.

The knitting... geez.. I did swatch again for the Secret Garden; in Sheep Shop 3. I don't like the varigated, but I do like the way the fabric feels. I'll do a 3rd and maybe a 4th swatch, wash them, and see how they come out. At this point, the Baby Bamboo is dead on regarding gauge, and I love the way it looks, so it's a front runner. I'm a bit worried about drape tho. I don't really want a lot of drape in the garment.

And the flipping socks? Sock 2 is giving me so much trouble, I could just scream. I need it to be finished by thursday night, and at the moment it's knit 4 rows, and rip out 3. I'm chalking it up to the tired thing.

Oh.. we went to the Tattoo convention in Calgary today. This is the one time a year I wish that I had BF's sense of smell (ie: none at all).. because that place smells like one giant arm pit. Approximately 98.2% of the atteendees are wearing black from head to toe, and you are guaranteed to run across more roller derby gals in one room than ever before (or after) in your life. It was fun (tho, we plan to get tattoos next year, so it'll be better); BF bought 2 blades for his upper ear piercing. He had to agree that they are 'weekend only' pieces. They look nice tho; one is black, the other steel.

It's 1:27am. Tired? No wonder.

Swatch this.

IMG_2749.JPG
Originally uploaded by spinknit

I can barely stand swatching, and I have been in awe of those who do it.. Designers mostly. They work away on pattern swatches, and come up with piles of (sometimes significantly large) works of art. The end result? Not much of anything 'useful'.

Aside from design necessity, swatching is a waste of knitting time.

My best idea has almost always been: swatch something that will cover my thumbnail, and do a calculation on approximately 4 stitches. OR. Just knit.. and we'll call the garment a 'swatch'. If it doesn't fit, then it would become a Christmas gift; am I wrong?

Until yesterday.

I am hatching a plan that has so far included spending one entire day searching for an out of print book. FINDING the book for a sinfully small amount of money (YA!). Also finding one at the local library, which is great, because I can study the pattern and start planning for the yarn before MY ACTUAL BOOK shows up.

So there I was at the store yesterday, and I found several possibilities. Two shades of Eco wool, in DK weight. The clay colour would be perfect, but the garment will eventually end up with Nini, and I think her Greek colouring and 'clay' don't go together. The ecru is nice, but would it show the stitch patterns well enough? I have a couple shades of Sheep 3. I'd like something heathered, but not scratchy.. so maybe there's something at Rhinebeck that will call my name. And then this... I don't think it's actually perfect, but it is beautiful. It's Sirdar Baby Bamboo.

I sat down with it late yesterday afternoon, and started to knit.. a swatch, and somehow I caught the disease. Swatch-itis. I know this is going to cause me to buy 52 single skeins of yarn so that I can swatch swatch swatch swatch.

And it's going to be so.much.fun. Maybe incurable.

So. Denny

I hope you're still reading, because i have AN UPDATE.

We were out walking the other day and we were passed by:

Pumper #1 (that hot grey haired guy was driving)
Engine #1 (not to be sneered at)
Auxilliary Water Rescue #1 (missed the guys trying to figure out what the vehicle was called)
And one green fire truck, regular variety.

It was the royal flush of firemen, and i was the Queen.

Life is good.

I'm not done talking

But I'm getting there. There will be knitting discussed, so there's some progress.



There's a story about wings and about stars. Many of you know about these things, and have experienced it yourselves. It's all pretty simple, really.

When HC died, I started finding stars. Everywhere. I didn't attract stars before, but I am now a star magnet. Each time they come (sometimes a single, sometimes dozens) I smile, because I consider it a gift from him. We touch base. Some of my friends actually bought a real star in his name.. I have a certificate right here at my desk, and it is one of the most precious things that I have... and then wings. I choose to believe this, and you may very well think I'm a crazy person, but he comes to me and to many, many others in the form of a bird, a butterfly, or occasionally a dragonfly (though not as often). In the first days after he died I flat out demanded a sign, and two huge white butterflies came to where I was sitting, and fluttered around and around.. one closer than the other. The day before that, a dove landed on my top stair and stood there as I approached and even opened the door. I knew.

Three weeks later it was my birthday, and I wasn't even sure how to put one foot in front of the other at that point, but asked Dida to take me to a stained glass store. I didn't know why. There, in a box of glass shards I found a perfect angel wing. My birthday present.

Many of my island friends who love HC and went through this whole thing with us have butterfly or bird stories.. perhaps they will share some in comments. There are dozens of stories.

Today, wings and stars.

A lady gave Mug a bracelet... blue stars joined together. I found a vintage dragonfly pin. As Gigi quietly sat with Lara, a butterfly came and landed by a star that she has hanging in a window.

Nikki sent me a picture of balloons... covered in stars. Jennifer sent a photo that she took of one of the approximately 75 butterflies that surrounded her a few days ago.

It's like that. And I'm glad.

Alright.. knitting. I've been knitting on and off in the last few days. Not too much lace, but tonight I have been working on the socks I've been designing. I'd like to show you a picture (because they kick some butt), but they are for a sock exchange, so I can't do it. I did finish my Ravelympics project, so I expect to get my 'medal' tomorrow.. Michelle gave me a skein of sari silk for an early birthday present, so I have been knitting and re-knitting projects with that.. it's back into a ball right now because I haven't got it just right. And.. I'm about to finish sock one of version 2.0 of BFML's Christmas socks.



So there you go. Knitting. And stars. And wings. And a lot, lot, lot of love.

Booms

It was sad. But not all sad. It was Nini's first time, and she really, really, really liked all those 'booms'. She released Dida's balloon, and later Dida said that she might always let her do it, because it is so hard to let the balloon go. It brings everything back; the letting go. She said 'I can't get it back'.. and that is exactly right. Let that balloon go, and it begins it's journey no matter how you feel about it.

Here's a link to a few pictures.

To everyone who wrote, and sent flowers, and called, and who held me and my family tight.. and who understand that he remains deeply loved and dearly missed.. to you, thank you so much. You make this walk so much less lonely. And you make me feel.. sane. It's your strength that bolsters us, and lets us release the ribbon - knowing full well the symbolism, and that *he* can never come back. Hating to let go, but needing that kiss to make it to him the only way we know how.

And that's such a good thing. Thank you.

HC Ritter

Your heart stopped beating six years ago today, and part of mine went with you. I don't mind; you owned that part after all.

Tomorrow is your birthday. Your 6th. Only 6 years since my lips touched your cheek and I held you so close. Wishing. Hardly believing.

Never was there a boy so loved; though I didn't ever feel your breath against my neck. It doesn't matter, and it never will. When I lift my hands to my face, I can still feel you in them.. as small as a kitten. My son.

Tomorrow I'm going to the elementary school, and I'm going to send your balloon from there. You'd start grade one in a few short days, and I wish that I could hold your hand and take you in to meet your teacher. I wish so many things.

Instead, I'll send your birthday balloon with my kiss upon it. I'll watch it until it disappears. And I'll wish. As always.

Love,
Mommy
xoxoxo